...it tolls for thee.

"Why do you think this city went broke? They playin' too much. Play with your heads, play with your money. They think all that hater stuff from Germany is cute, I see it everyday. But it ain't. Ain't never gonna change."

"It's simple man. We all learned the ten commandments. If you don't get the "obey your mother and father" part down by the age of ten you ain't never gonna be any good."

"They already know who we are, where we live, how much we make. What do you think the census is all about? You know what it can be used for. They wanna phase us out. Pretty soon we all gonna have bar codes. All our shit will be there open for whoever wanna know. You ain't got money, you're out. You ain't got a skill they want, you're out. You ain't got nothing to give, you're out. Survival of the fittest, man. They'll even kill they're own poor white trash because it ain't doin' them no good."

Last week the Indian man who owns the corner store warned me from moving downtown Cincinnati. He told me they'd be watching me because I'm white. He told me to move to Mason or Fort Thomas where I'd be safer. Black Bob the painter walked out of the store with me and told me not to be worried. He said no one will be watching me because of my color, "we're all just people. people against people."

With all these quotes it's safe to say I am an expert iPhone note taker. 

Why do differences make us afraid? Why do we fear things we do not know or know well? Both behaviors are buried deep within us, as we've acted on them since the fall. (No, not autumn, but when Eve had the balls to scarf down the apple.)

I haven't drawn the connection. Humans are afraid to be alone. We long for community, for friendship, a sense of belonging, a recognition of love... yet we fear and even seek to destroy those who are different. 

Do the very differences define our sense of belonging? 

And how quickly the alliances change! "I didn't like him because she didn't like him..../ ... "She and I got in a fight and he and I found we have a lot in common."

Drama, drama, drama. 

Drama that hung jesus, massacred the nigerians, swept out the jews, enslaved africans, targeted gays, embarassed kids in middle school and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on ..... you get the idea.

WHY?!

I do it every day. I just realized the other night that I sometimes act, say things, like things, eat things, don't eat things, wear things, read things, basically live my life in particular ways because I am afraid of the alternative...and/ or I want a sense of connection or belonging to the person or group who introduced me to the thing in the first place. Sometimes I want these things so badly I heavily guard against all else holding tightly to the image I have in my mind. It's controlled.

(I'd like to take a moment to note : grammar fail. I digress...)

Shaping our lives from bits and pieces from those we come in contact with is a fantastic method for self growth and reflection; however, molding ourselves into these things while becoming deathly afraid of being tarnished from the outside is.... so freaking easy we don't even know it is happening.

I've challenged myself to examine those areas of my life that perhaps are not my own. 

...And then I asked myself, "great ambition, but how the heck are you actually going to implement that?"

All I have come up with so far is to repeatedly ask myself, "do you like it?" From the sweater I put on, to the Pandora station I play, to the facebook profile I stalk out. Why am I doing this, do I even like this, for what am I prospering

Every single one of us is affected. It's hasty generalization the truth (really). Down to the very deepest part of our hearts. We love love and we are afraid of things we don't know... 

and we kill for both.

Just another exercise for self awareness. Cheers.

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if promontory [a bluff, headland] were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; 
and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." 
-John Donne